A little conversation goes a long way...

Whoo! Berlin for the holidays!! I am here, in this amazing city, with my boyfriend and staying with friends. More friends on the way. Although this is one of the only Christmases I will spend without my family and I miss them very much, this is also a very special, warm time to be here. The Christmas markets are in full effect and the holiday spirit is in the air.

Here in Berlin, I have had the chance to meet some very amazing people and have fantastic conversations. One of my new friends asked me last night, why I love it here in Europe so much. I gave my standard observations--the health care system far surpasses ours, the educational system is excellent, the recycling program is phenomenal, and of course, you can drink beer wherever you want here. After hours of thought-provoking conversation (our dinner last night went for 8 hrs!!), I realized what I love the most about being here. It's the conversations I get to have here with the many new people I have been meeting, and more importantly, the new perspectives I can take from them.

To see through the eyes of a person who has been born and raised in a completely different environment than you can be a mind-blowing experience. Your comprehension of the world and the people living with in it can be turned inside out if viewed from the other side.

This is what study abroad is all about. Sure it's about traveling, seeing new things, trying new foods and learning about new cultures. But it's really about the new people you meet and the fresh perspectives you can take from them. Before leaving the States, I didn't even think Americans had a culture. Now that I am away and have something to compare my experiences to, I can see what a rich and powerful culture we actually have.

It's like being stuck behind a huge semi-truck on the freeway for most of your life. You can't see anything except what's right in front of you. When you take a step back, or even better, take a new turn and get off that road altogether, you will see a whole new world out there.

Christmas Markets in Nuremberg

Nuremberg Christmas Markets

Waffle with whipped cream and Bailey's!!!

http://www.iie.org/en/Programs/Gilman-Scholarship-Program

Frustration Station, Population Me

So here I am, 3 months in, and still not able to put a sentence together in German. I am so frustrated! I keep talking to people, all kinds of people (students, teachers, friends, other Germans, my boyfriend's friends in the Czech Republic...), about my frustration and my apparent lack of motivation to learn this language. What I keep getting told again and again is to "hang in there!", "it'll get easier!", and "this always happens this time of year, but after the holidays everyone seems to bounce right back".

These words of wisdom are nice to hear...but how do I know they are right? Just because I am feeling the same way other students did last year who survived the holiday rut and then continued on to have the time of their lives second semester, how do I know that is the same thing that is going on with me?

Am I really just in a rut because I'm so far away from family and friends during the holiday? Is it because of the 5 inches of snow covering my beloved jogging trails and slushy grey puddles taking over the streets? Is it because my roommates never, ever come out of their rooms and I don't see any way to get to know these people I am living with??? Or is it that I really am just not cut out for study abroad?

As always, I am keeping busy. I am trying hard to escape my California bubble that is composed of the other 53 Californian exchange students that are living all around me in this tiny town. I am trying to meet more Germans and international students. I found a couchsurfing group here in Tübingen and I am trying to become an active member.

And most importantly, I am not giving up. I just read a blog from an Australian exchange student who did her study abroad at Ulm University here in Baden-Württemberg. She said she was given this advice:

"There comes a day when you say, "From now on, I will speak only in German." She goes on to say, "Make this day come sooner--it has nothing to do with how well you speak, only your attitude."

Ah, now there's the words of wisdom I was looking for. Because no matter how many reasons I can come up with for the frustration and lack of motivation I am feeling, I know that it is really all up to me. No one can do this for me, I just gotta make it happen.

Here's the link to the Australian blog, in case you'd like to see what she has to say about study abroad:
http://www.uni-ulm.de/fileadmin/website_uni_ulm/io/INC_Exchange_Reports/CTech/AU_Melbourne_Monash-U_2008_MY.pdf

And as always, the link to the Gilman Scholarship Program website, who helped make all this possible for me:
http://www.iie.org/en/Programs/Gilman-Scholarship-Program

Relationships and Study Abroad

So if you think about it...what is study abroad all about?? Really, it's all about you. So when you bring another person into that equation, it doesn't quite add up. I can tell you from my experience that being involved in a relationship while you are studying abroad is very, very hard. Not only is it really hard to be away from the person you love, but it takes away from your personal experience to still be so attached to something that is not there with you.

For now, I am lucky because my boyfriend is still here in Europe with me, but he is not in Germany. So not only am I doing the long distance thing (which we all know sucks!) but every trip I take is with him or to him. This means that I am limiting the amount of people I meet or really get to know and also limiting the new places I am visiting. When you are in a serious, committed relationship, it is not just about you, but both of you. And I have to admit that as much as I love my boyfriend and don't wish anything were different, I do know that things would be a bit easier for me if I were single.

And I see it all around me. People breaking up with boyfriends and girlfriends back home left and right, because it's just too hard. I have other friends that just got involved with someone back home before they came, and they are always wondering what they are doing, hoping to get an email, holding back from the new people they meet here because of the maybe that is back home...

That being said, here are my recommendations for those of you who are getting ready to study abroad:

 1)  If you are not involved with anyone before you leave, DONT get involved! Stay single! You will thank me for this :)

2) If you just met someone or recently got involved before you leave, put things on hold. The last thing you want to do is limit your experiences and the things that could be for something back home that you are not really that attached to yet anyway.

3) If you are in a serious, long-term relationship....well, get ready for tough times. It's so hard to be out and about seeing new things and meeting new people while your partner is on the other side of the world. I'm not saying it can't be done, but it is really hard.

Contradictory to my own words, my boyfriend and I are stronger than ever right now. But then again......I get to see him every other weekend. And it's still hard. We are living two separate lives, but still trying to share them. And he will go home soon. So.....I'm getting ready for some seriously rough times.

In summary.......stay single if you can! And if you're really committed and in it for the long haul, well, I guess you'll make it through, because that's what love is all about. For better or worse :)

Sitges in the summer, good times in Spain!

http://www.iie.org/en/Programs/Gilman-Scholarship-Program

The Fall is beautiful here. Absolutely gorgeous. The leaves falling look like multicolored snowflakes, and the ones that have managed to stay attached are the most brilliant reds and yellows I have ever seen. We don't have a Fall like this in California, so being here now is amazing. And going jogging is much more fun when you're running through piles of leaves :)

And the stars, oh the stars....even though I am a self-proclaimed city girl, we don't have stars in the city like we do here.

Sometimes it's the little things that make it all worthwhile.

yay!!

 http://www.iie.org/en/Programs/Gilman-Scholarship-Program

Just wanted to let you know things are looking up :)

Whenever I'm feeling really down, I like to make myself go outside and find something that makes me happy. So last weekend, once I finally had some time to myself, I went out exploring in Tuebingen. A very cute town indeed. With lots more to discover! Of course I took a thousand pictures, but more importantly, it made me feel more comfortable...more at home.

I still feel like my German is suffering--I feel like everyone in class understands the teacher and each other, but me. I'm having such a hard time talking to my new German roommates and other new German friends, but most people are very patient and encouraging. All you gotta do is try. And practice!

As you can see....studying abroad is a roller coaster for most of us. You will have your ups and you will have your downs. Sometimes the downs are really, really far down there...but hang in there, because the ups are always coming!!

View from the Tuebingen Castle

Tuebingen Botanic Garden (1 of them)

Tuebingen Marktplatz

Tuebingen Marktplatz

 

http://www.iie.org/en/Programs/Gilman-Scholarship-Program

Tough Times Call for More Kleenex...

(as written on 10/15/2010...I was on a train without my computer)

I knew this would be hard. But I never knew it would be this hard. They said I'd go through culture shock, but I thought, "I'm strong, it won't get me down."

They even said some people would want to go home. "NO way, not me!!!"

And then...a few days ago it hit me. I mean it really hit me. I thought I was going through culture shock before, when I was living with the host family. But now, it's hitting me really hard. I can't believe how strong the urge is to just give up and go home.

This is very unlike me. I do not quit. I am strong, independent, and self-motivated. But...I miss my family, my friends, and oh man, I really miss my cat!!! I miss knowing where everything is and how everything works. I miss knowing and understanding the language spoken all around me.

And now, I don't know how anything works, I don't know where anything is, and I cannot speak the language beyond a few very basic things. I hate feeling so silent and awkward. I can't understand my roommates let alone have a conversation with them. I can barely understand what my teachers are saying and I find myself struggling to keep up. My boyfriend has to go back to the States and I'm afraid we'll break up. (Just like "they" said we all would...)

Oh and it's cold here. I mean really, REALLY cold.

It's insane how hard this is. One sentence keeps running through my mind. "Why did I do this to myself!?!?"

Despite what you are now most likely thinking, I am not writing this to scare you off. I am writing this because this is real. Studying abroad is difficult in almost every aspect. I am writing this for two reasons:

1) I know that I will be ok and I will get through this, but really only because I was told I would go through this. And since I knew this would happen, I don't feel isolated and stupid for coming here. I know what I am feeling is normal. And if you study abroad, you need to know this too!!
 
2) I am also writing this for myself. So when I start feeling better, I can look back on this and see how far I've come. Because I know that I will feel better. All I have to do is have faith in myself and hang in there.

Know how I know? Because "they" said I would. Every student I spoke with who went through this program last year had a fantastic time. When I explain how I'm feeling now, they say, "Oh yea...I remember that."

So what to do until I get past all this? Same as usual. Stay active, keep busy, and never stop exploring this new city of mine. I'm trying to put myself out there and keep practicing my German, no matter how bad I think it is.

Deep down, I know that I just need to stick it out and enjoy myself as much as possible. Go along for the ride and leave the Kleenex at home!

Neckar River, Tübingen

                                                       

Makin' burritos, a little taste of home!

East Side Gallery, Berlin Wall

http://www.iie.org/en/Programs/Gilman-Scholarship-Program

Feeling weird...again

A few days after the last post, I started feeling much better. Much more comfortable. Not so weirded out.

Maybe it was because the sun was finally shining. Maybe it was because I got all my stuff unpacked and my new room all set up. Maybe it was because of the great shoe store I found right around the corner.

And then I went to Prague. This is my 3rd trip to Prague, because this is where my boyfriend lives. We came to Europe together, with the hope of staying here together for the next year. Although he is suffering from the same culture shock symptoms I am wading my way through, he is nice and settled here in Prague. Nice job, nice apartment, great roommates, and really awesome new friends. And Prague is happening. Breathtakingly beautiful and full of culture and history, Prague is definitely the place to be.

But now....we don't know if he can stay. It's long, complicated, and beureaucratic to the max. The reality is that if he goes home, things aren't looking so good for us. We're willing to try the long distance thing, but it's very hard to be in a relationship where you can't see the other person for months on end. And with school being my number one priority, I may not be able to live in the same city as him for 2 years.

Ouch.

I'm only writing about this because this is definitely something to consider when choosing to study abroad. Being so far from the person you love is nearly impossible--most everyone in my program who started out in a relationship has broken up with their partner by now.

So, now, I'm sitting in his house, waiting for him to come home from work, and wondering what the future holds in store for us. Feelin' weird again. I wish I knew what was going to happen. Hmmmm wait...no I don't. That would be way too boring.

I'm starting school in a few days, but now after 10 days in the Czech Republic, I'm not sure I even know how to speak German anymore...I'm scared!!! But that's not until Monday.

For now...I'm in beautiful Prague....and loving every minute :)

Prague Castle