Oh wow. Here it is. My very last night in Germany. I really can't believe it. I already left Konstanz. I said goodbye to all my new friends and my favorite little German town. I was completely heartbroken when I left. Like a physical pain in my chest as the train was pulling away.

I took the train to Berlin, where I am visiting old friends and new. Saying more goodbyes. My heart felt much better once I stepped off the train in Berlin....I really love this town. So much culture, diversity, art and history. Great haircuts and sweet style. And vegan döner (a German delight created by Turkish immigrants in Berlin, traditionally meat only, but Berlin has it all)!!!! Whooo!

But, as my time here in Berlin is coming to an end as well, I feel the pain in my heart coming back. As hard as this year has been, I really had a great time and I really love it here in Germany. I know it won't be long till I come back. It can't be. You can't stay away from something you love for too long.........right?

I feel that same anxiety I felt over a year ago, lying in my bed in San Francisco, and knowing it would be the last time I would sleep in that bed in more than a year. Not knowing who I would meet, where I would go, where I would sleep next. Funny, but I have the same fear of going back home as I did of leaving.

So with pain in my heart and tears in my eyes, I'll get on the plane tomorrow night and leave Germany for good. Well at least for a while.

Buuuuuuuut, I got some traveling to do in the meantime, on the road again!!!

Next stop...Reykjavik, Iceland!!!

The Fernsehturm at dusk, Berlin

Crunch time

How am I supposed to study AND say goodbye to all my new friends at the same time????

This may be the hardest part of the year yet...in 2 weeks I will be gone.

It just hit me...

I just heard a language being spoken outside my window that I didn't recognize and I got sort-of butterflies in my stomach. I realized it was because I haven't heard a language I don't recognize in so long. I mean, there are lots of different accents and dialects around here, especially since I'm so close to Switzerland....but I just realized how much I miss living in a big city. As much as I love it here and really, really don't want to leave...it's gonna be good to be back in good ole San Francisco!!

the famous Haight/Ashbury, San Francisco

at the Albany Bulb, Albany, CA

an anti-war protest, San Francisco 2005

Bixby Bride, on Rt 1 near Big Sur, California

the rocky California coast, Rt 1

Only looking forward, seeing beautiful things ahead...

The Beginning of the End

On the morning of the 1st of July, I woke up and saw what day it was. The first thought that went through my head is, "This is the month that I have to leave".

At a get-together with friends the other night, we made a toast, and one person said, "To the beginning of the end"...I've never heard a truer, sadder statement.

It truly is the beginning of the end. Although my friends back home say, "Germany isn't going anywhere", which is true, they don't realize that what is happening right here, right now, in this place, with these people, will never, ever be like this again.

Here's to celebrating the beginning of the end of one of the greatest years of my life.

Stress

Oh man. Exams in two weeks. Leaving in 3. Going to Iceland. Have no money left. Boyfriend ran his car into a tree while trying to park today (he's not hurt, but the bumper on his car is officially dead and buried). Sister's car died too.

I have to pack. I have to send my stuff home (because I bought too much while I was here). I have to de-register with the city. Exmatriculate from the university. Do something (although I don't know what yet) with my papers from my job. Sign up for classes back home. Hopefully sell some of the junk I've acquired to new students coming in. Make an appointment with the Hausmeister (landlord). Find a new place to live back home. Find a job back home.

EXAMS IN TWO WEEKS. German exams.

Stress.

One thing at a time.

Exams..........AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!

Lucid dreaming...

Have you ever had one of those dreams that are so completely vivid, so real, that you have a hard time knowing what reality really is when you wake up? Your mind is fuzzy and pieces of the dream are still wrapped around you like the blanket you sleep with...you can remember that dream like it was a memory, as if it had really happened.

That's how I feel about my time abroad. I've been thinking about what it will be like to go home...what it will really be like. Back to reality. Thinking back over this year really seems like it was a dream, like it never really happened.

And the weirdest part is that I'm still living it...as if I'm still in the dream, I know it's a dream, and soon I have to wake up........

AAAAAAAAAH I'm going home soon!??!?!

Wait...what happened? Where did this year go? I am leaving Germany in 6 weeks, well, 40 days to be exact.

WHAT??

I am so busy now with work, school and an intern project I am working on with the Bio department at Uni Konstanz that I haven't had much time to think about it. But it's on my mind. I am leaving. I've been here for a year. I am going back to San Francisco.

Whoa. There are things I am looking forward to...my family, my friends, the boyfriend (even though we still have to be long distance until I finish school, at least we'll be in the same country!) Burritos!! Thai Breakfast in Berkeley. The Mission Bar. El Farolito. Buffalo Exchange. Trader Joes. All the stuff I haven't been able to get for the past year. Things are so much easier when you are in your home country....

but......

oh, all the things I will miss!! The bread, the cheese, the pastries, the pretzels, the BEER! Biergartens, marching bands for every occasion, the crazy festivals, the rolling hills, the Alps, the Bodensee, oh how I will miss seeing the blue sparkling beauty that is Lake Constance...

And traveling, traveling, traveling....how am I going to live in the same place for the next year??

 At the Istituto d'Arte,  Florence, Italy

Duomo, Florence

This is all too weird. Gotta think about this for a while.

Pisa, Italy

Hiking around Florence with my friend Christine

Or avoid reality as long as possible!!

Montorosso al Mare (Cinque Terre) Italy

Vernazza (Cinque Terre) Italy